My hand grasps the soil. The sand scraped by my nails. I’m not giving up. I refused to be buried alive. I have grown weak. But I will climb out this grave. Exertion tests my motives. Failing is no option. One hand before the next, I climb. My knees dig into the walls that surround me. Scraped and targeted tho I be. I am near being free. I can’t give up. Purpose awaits. Sometimes waiting seems pointless. But move at the wrong time and you may slip into your grave. I’m overcoming death as the One before me. There may come times of testing but not without victory.


Who am I?

Who am I? Moses said it. David said it multiple times. I could feel their unworthiness in myself today. It has been a hard time for me recently. Life seems to be imploding, caving in. Everything seems hopeless and I a complete failure. Even those around me. There seems to be a lack of victory, of life. I feel like wrestling with God until he gives my the why of it all. As I struggle within I cannot help but recall the words God spoke when I lost my sister, “my ways are not your ways neither my thoughts  your thoughts. My ways are above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts.” Those words begin to reverberate in my mind. The thought “where were you breaks in?” It puts me back in my place. Who am I? Who am I! How dare I question God almighty?! Has he not gotten me this far. So I will hold to what I know. I will cling to the praises of blessings of days before knowing such shall be again yet greater.

Unformed substance 

The sharp blade of the knife pierces the flesh of my heart. I am brought to my knees. I feel my last breath escaping. Light dims into nothing it seems. I trusted this man. I gave him myself. And what has he done! I can’t deny my doubt: did I make the right decision? I am going numb now. I can’t help but whimper a scream, “What are you doing?” He replies, “I’m making room for me.” “I have shown you myself. I have revealed what lies within you. You have cried out to me to become new. This is what it takes. You can’t do it yourself. I have to remove the you in you.” I must pass away that he may live within. Less of me and more of Him. As a potter destroys the cubed image of the clay to make it pleasing in his sight, I am destroyed before my King that I might be more as his Delight.

His Love

I read of his pain, deserted by his love
I sense the despair as he cries out to her
She breaks his heart again and again
Yet he still seeks her out to bring her in
Shes a runner he knows, running into her grave
He is jealous for her, tho her own lusts’ slave
Let me share your burden my love
Let me share your grief
They can have their adultry my love
But I must have thee
I watched as you chose her
I envied how she caught your eye
I despised the way she hurt you
Yet she felt no shame inside


So first of all, this is reeeeeally long, but this is some things I got when I read Leviticus  so I hope you see what I was seeing. I will also warn you it is not exactly a “comforting” message but has to do with REALLY going on with God which involves sorrow and suffering. The true Christian life is full of bearing our cross, but what did dying on the cross end with – being resurrected! Being filled with resurrection life, being brought to heaven, and seeing God! People always think none of that can happen until we literally die; I disagree. I know for a fact that spiritually we are seated with Christ in Heaven because the bible tells me so (Eph 2:6; Eph 1:20-23). Paul said he would give everything gladly JUST TO KNOW CHRIST! This came from a man who went thru immense suffering both before and after he spoke those words… and you know what? he never stopped following God, so obviously it was worth it. Do you know who wrote most of the books that minister to us so much in the new testament? PAUL! He wrote everything from Romans to Philemon and possible Hebrews. So he did get to know Christ! And this all came by suffering. Sorry for the introduction, I just thought you should know this gospel is not for the weak of heart. Anywho, let me get started.

First, Christ was the ultimate sacrifice. The old testament sacrifices were just a type of what was to come. To get people to look to God’s promise for a Messiah to deliver them from sin.

Heb 7:26  For such an high priest became us, who is holy, harmless, undefiled, separate from sinners, and made higher than the heavens;

Heb 7:27  Who needeth not daily, as those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own sins, and then for the people’s: for this he did once, when he offered up himself.

Heb 9:25  Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others;

Heb 9:26  For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.

Heb 9:27  And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:

Heb 9:28  So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

Heb 10:1  For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect.

Heb 10:2  For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins.

Heb 10:3  But in those sacrifices there is a remembrance again made of sins every year.

Heb 10:4  For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins.

Heb 10:5  Wherefore when he cometh into the world, he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldest not, but a body hast thou prepared me:

Heb 10:6  In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin thou hast had no pleasure.

Heb 10:7  Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God.

Heb 10:8  Above when he said, Sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and offering for sin thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law;

Heb 10:9  Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God. He taketh away the first, that he may establish the second.

Heb 10:10  By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

Heb 10:11  And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins:

Heb 10:12  But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;

Heb 10:13  From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.

Heb 10:14  For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.

Heb 10:15  Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us: for after that he had said before,

Heb 10:16  This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them;

Heb 10:17  And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.

Heb 10:18  Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin.

Heb 10:19  Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus,

Heb 10:20  By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;

Heb 10:21  And having an high priest over the house of God;

Heb 10:22  Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

Heb 10:23  Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

Heb 10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Heb 10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

So Christ sacrificed Himself as the ultimate sacrifice giving himself completely to the will of God.

Rom 12:1  I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Rom 12:3  For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Rom 12:4  For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

Rom 12:5  So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

Rom 12:6  Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

Rom 12:7  Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

Rom 12:8  Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Rom 12:9  Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

Rom 12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Rom 12:11  Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

Rom 12:12  Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Rom 12:13  Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

Rom 12:14  Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Rom 12:15  Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Rom 12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

Rom 12:17  Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

Rom 12:18  If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Rom 12:19  Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Rom 12:20  Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Rom 12:21  Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

So not only was Christ sacrificed but Paul here challenges us to present ourselves to God in the same midset Christ did – to give all yourself to God, wholly giveing yourself over to whatever his will is- letting your will, and your self be crucified. The next scripture from Leviticus is an example of sacrifices from the old testament. What you see in red and parenthesis is the hebrew meaning of those words (you can see what words mean using a Strong concordance.) And between the verses i put what I got out of it.


Lev 2:1  And when any will offer a meat offering (apportion, sacrificed) unto the LORD, his offering shall be of fine flour (strip; chipped off); and he shall pour oil upon it, and put frankincense (heart) thereon:

Flour comes from a word meaning to strip. Flour is made by beating and grinding grain. Jesus himself was stripped (Luke:30) and Job said that God stripped him (Job 19:9). The meaning of this, i believe is when we give ourselves over to God, He strips us from ourselves and our natural man. It is not a delightful process and to be honest hurts like hell. But He has to strip us of ourselves through the cross that we might be clothed with Christ! So it is a great thing in the end if we can just get through the being stripped. Another thing I saw was that frankincense meant heart which i had never saw before. So its like they offered up there heart to God. (Pro 23:26  My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.) Eze 36:26  A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

Lev 2:2  And he shall bring it to Aaron’s sons the priests: and he shall take thereout his handful of the flour thereof, and of the oil thereof, with all the frankincense thereof; and the priest shall burn the memorial of it upon the altar, to be an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD:

Lev 2:3  And the remnant of the meat offering shall be Aaron’s and his sons’: it is a thing most holy of the offerings of the LORD made by fire.

Lev 2:4  And if thou bring an oblation of a meat offering baken in the oven (furnace) , it shall be unleavened (without mixture) cakes (puncture, wound, break, dissolve)of fine flour mingled with oil, or unleavened wafers anointed with oil.

I thought that this had a lot to do with separation. We talked about how the fire was used to consume our natural self (like gold purified in the fire.) Also leavened bread is something in the  bible that represents mixture (like mixture with the world.) So UNleavened bread is something completely set apart for God (circumcised of heart) not being mixed up with the things of this world. And I thought it was cool that cakes (of all things.. cake? lol) meant puncture. It made me think of spiritual circumcision (cutting off the flesh) and the scripture that says his Word is like a two-edges sword dividing between soul (that in us that seeks this world and things for self) and spirit (that in us that is after God).

Lev 2:5  And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in a pan, it shall be of fine flour unleavened, mingled with oil.

Lev 2:6  Thou shalt part it in pieces (open; break), and pour oil thereon: it is a meat offering.

We are broken just as Christ as the bread was broken (this is why you are supposed to break the bread in communion)

Lev 2:7  And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in the fryingpan, it shall be made of fine flour with oil.

Lev 2:8  And thou shalt bring the meat offering that is made of these things unto the LORD: and when it is presented unto the priest, he shall bring it unto the altar.

Lev 2:9  And the priest shall take from the meat offering a memorial thereof, and shall burn it upon the altar: it is an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.

Lev 2:10  And that which is left of the meat offering shall be Aaron’s and his sons’: it is a thing most holy of the offerings of the LORD made by fire.

Lev 2:11  No meat offering, which ye shall bring unto the LORD, shall be made with leaven (works of self with no life): for ye shall burn no leaven, nor any honey, in any offering of the LORD made by fire.

Lev 2:12  As for the oblation of the firstfruits, ye shall offer them unto the LORD: but they shall not be burnt on the altar for a sweet savour.

Lev 2:13  And every oblation of thy meat offering shalt thou season with salt (to rub to pieces or pulverize; vanish away) ; neither shalt thou suffer the salt of the covenant of thy God to be lacking from thy meat offering: with all thine offerings thou shalt offer salt.

Lev 2:14  And if thou offer a meat offering of thy firstfruits unto the LORD, thou shalt offer for the meat offering of thy firstfruits green ears of corn (tender) dried(scorch, loathsome, parched) by the fire, even corn beaten out of full ears.

Lev 2:15  And thou shalt put oil upon it, and lay frankincense thereon: it is a meat offering.

Lev 2:16  And the priest shall burn the memorial of it, part of the beaten corn thereof, and part of the oil thereof, with all the frankincense thereof: it is an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

I know it sounds really rough. But thats what i saw in sacrifices. And trust me in the end its worth it:

Php 3:1  Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. 

Php 3:2  Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. 

Php 3:3  For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. 

Php 3:4  Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: 

Php 3:5  Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; 

Php 3:6  Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. 

Php 3:7  But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. 

Php 3:8  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ

Php 3:9  And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: 

Php 3:10  That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; 

Php 3:11  If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead

Php 3:12  Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. 

Php 3:13  Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 

Php 3:14  I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 

Php 3:15  Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. 

Php 3:16  Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing. 

Php 3:17  Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. 

Php 3:18  (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: 

Php 3:19  Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.) 

Php 3:20  For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: 

Php 3:21  Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself. 

The next scripture are just scriptures backing up that that is what God wants from us:

Psa 40:1  To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

Psa 40:2  He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

Psa 40:3  And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.

Psa 40:4  Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

Psa 40:5  Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee:if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

Psa 40:6  Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.

Psa 40:7  Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,

Psa 40:8  I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.     (thats what He wants; that we delight to do His will; we give ourselves to it)

Psa 40:9  I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest.

Psa 40:10  I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.

Psa 40:11  Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.

Psa 40:12  For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.

Psa 40:13  Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.

Psa 40:14  Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.

Psa 40:15  Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha.

Psa 40:16  Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified.

Psa 40:17  But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.

Psa 51:1  To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

Psa 51:2  Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

Psa 51:3  For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

Psa 51:4  Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

Psa 51:5  Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Psa 51:6  Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

Psa 51:7  Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Psa 51:8  Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

Psa 51:9  Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

Psa 51:10  Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Psa 51:11  Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

Psa 51:12  Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Psa 51:13  Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Psa 51:14  Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

Psa 51:15  O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

Psa 51:16  For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

Psa 51:17  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Psa 51:18  Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

Psa 51:19  Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

David basically prayed that he would be a pleasing sacrifice:

Psa 141:1  A Psalm of David. LORD, I cry unto thee: make haste unto me; give ear unto my voice, when I cry unto thee.

Psa 141:2  Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

Psa 141:3  Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.

Psa 141:4  Incline not my heart to any evil thing, to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity: and let me not eat of their dainties.

Psa 141:5  Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer alsoshall be in their calamities.

Psa 141:6  When their judges are overthrown in stony places, they shall hear my words; for they are sweet.

Psa 141:7  Our bones are scattered at the grave’s mouth, as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth.

Psa 141:8  But mine eyes are unto thee, O GOD the Lord: in thee is my trust; leave not my soul destitute.

Psa 141:9  Keep me from the snares which they have laid for me, and the gins of the workers of iniquity.

Psa 141:10  Let the wicked fall into their own nets, whilst that I withal escape.

Heb 13:12  Wherefore Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood, suffered without the gate.

Heb 13:13  Let us go forth therefore unto him without the camp, bearing his reproach.

Heb 13:14  For here have we no continuing city, but we seek one to come.

Heb 13:15  By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

Heb 13:16  But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

Heb 13:17  Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

I know that was extremely long.


Feeling unworthy is a normal reaction (a healthy reaction) to God’s presence.

This is Isaiah 6:

In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts. Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar: And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged.

(Isaiah 6:1-7)

Once I understood what this story meant I fell in love with it. When Isaiah saw God his immediate reaction is “Woe is me I am undone and so is all my kind.”

That word undone there means: dumb, silent, destroyed, and perished

I can tell you when you begin to see the beauty of Christ, the ugliness of yourself and all of mankind becomes much more apparent

Paul screamed out:

For I am conscious that in me, that is, in my flesh, there is nothing good: I have the mind but not the power to do what is right. For the good which I have a mind to do, I do not: but the evil which I have no mind to do, that I do. But if I do what I have no mind to do, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin living in me. So I see a law that, though I have a mind to do good, evil is present in me. In my heart I take pleasure in the law of God, But I see another law in my body, working against the law of my mind, and making me the servant of the law of sin which is in my flesh. How unhappy am I! who will make me free from the body of this death?

(Romans 7:18-24)

And it is when he got to this place he could see what comes next:

Rom 7:25  I give praise to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So with my mind I am a servant to the law of God, but with my flesh to the law of sin.

For this cause those who are in Christ Jesus will not be judged as sinners. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was not able to do because it was feeble through the flesh, God, sending his Son in the image of the evil flesh, and as an offering for sin, gave his decision against sin in the flesh: So that what was ordered by the law might be done in us, who are living, not in the way of the flesh, but in the way of the Spirit.

(Romans 8:1-4)

It is good to see that in ourselves- it is the sign you are a healthy Christian because it turns your eyes away from you and this world to Him. You hold onto Him and like we were talking about you begin to be transformed into His image.

Rom 8:29  For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

That’s why I got you to read that story in that book about Phillip of Delphia.. he had held on so tight and really cleaved to His armour/sword that it became a part of Him and he was kind of transformer into it.

You now how when you look up at the Sun to long and you get stuck with an image of the sun in your eyes even if you look away. Its kind of like that. You look to Christ long enough and so passionately that even when you aren’t trying you still see him- he is a part of you- you are becoming Him.

There will be a lot of suffering along the way… the old man has to be put to death. That is why the angel in the story of Isaiah touched his lips with coal. Burning and fire have to do with God getting rid of the flesh/ that old man… That’s why God says:

You have cause for great joy in this, though it may have been necessary for you to be troubled for a little time, being tested in all sorts of ways, So that the true metal of your faith, being of much greater value than gold which, though it comes to an end, is tested by fire, may come to light in praise and glory and honour, at the revelation of Jesus Christ: To whom your love is given, though you have not seen him; and the faith which you have in him, though you do not see him now, gives you joy greater than words and full of glory: For so you have the true end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

(1 Peter 1:6-9)

Gold is tested and made pure by fire.. God purifies us with fire so all that is of us (that old man) and everything that is not of Him is consumed. That is why God is called a consuming fire. He only wants Christ. So we are transformed into that by being tested and having to cleave and look to Christ.

Make any sense?

Not Adding Up?

Not feeling like there is anything good in you… not ever adding up?

Did you know God always chose the weak, poor, and despised in the bible?
He chose Abraham who lied and even slept with his wife’s maid to get a son for himself instead of waiting on God for Isaac. He chose Isaac who also lied. He chose Jacob who was very stubborn and hardheaded even to the point he literally fought with God (Gen 32). He chose David who was weak and fell into lust and even killed a man just to have his wife. He chose Peter who denied him 3 times after he died and who was always getting into trouble. Even Paul killed and maimed Christians prior to God calling him. My point is, is that God always chooses for Himself the people that are not much in themselves – its because He can show people Christ thru them. He can take some messed up person and show the world “You know this person is no good, they have many flaws, but look what I can do with them.” Look at the people God could have chose and didn’t. When the Israelites begged God for a king… He gave them Saul (out of his anger it says). Saul was perfect in the worlds eyes – everybody loved him it says:
1Sa 9:2  And he had a son, whose name was Saul, a choice young man, and a goodly: and there was not among the children of Israel a goodlier person than he: from his shoulders and upward he was higher than any of the people.
But God didnt want anything to do with this “goodly” man and the bible said he removed his anointing from him because he didn;t listen to God. instead he chose David.
In 1 Samuel 16 when Samuel went to annoint David it says that he first looked at all his brothers. He looked at his brother Eliab and said “This is got to be God’s annointed” I’m sure he was strong, tall, and handsome and Samuel thought “This has got to be who God wants!” But what was Gods reply?
1Sa 16:7  But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
So when he had seen all his brothers, he said these arent who God wants,  whos left? And Jesse was like all thats left is my weedy youngest son, just a little boy. But thats who God chose. And thru this weedy, young wimp God defeated Goliath and made him king and defeated many nations until David became great because of who God is.
Check this out:
Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence. But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. 
(1 Corinthians 1:25-31)
God chooses men that are nothing in themselves (not smart, not sinless, not rich) that he might be those things to them. That he might be their wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. I am become a fool in glorying; ye have compelled me: for I ought to have been commended of you: for in nothing am I behind the very chiefest apostles, though I be nothing.
(2 Corinthians 12:9-11)
Anywho, hope that made sense…

Romans 10 (my breakdown of it)

1Brothers and sisters, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved.
2For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge.
2 I bear them witness that they have a [certain] zeal and enthusiasm for God, but it is not enlightened and according to [correct and vital] knowledge.
He is saying that they act like they are excited for this and that they want this but they do not understand what it really means
They act like they love and are after God but they do not truly have any knowledge of Him
Or it is at least not the correct knowledge
Like they understand it wrong
it doesn’t mean they are purposely acting this way (like they are being fake) it is just saying that they think they are truly after this and that they have this great love but really they do not correctly understand it
3Since they did not know the righteousness of God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness.
3 For being ignorant of the righteousness that God ascribes [which makes one acceptable to Him in word, thought, and deed] and seeking to establish a righteousness (a means of salvation) of their own, they did not obey or submit themselves to God’s righteousness.
Submit means to: accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.
These whom Paul was speaking to were still trying to fix themselves… they were trying to be good and right in themselves… they were submitting themselves to God, bringing themselves lower than him and realizing their need to have Christ be all that for them
They haven’t began to truly see the great righteousness of God… they think they understand but they haven’t truly seen it yet… like they don’t understand who Christ really is
4: For Christ [is] the end of the law for righteousness to everyone that believeth.
4 For Christ is the end of the Law [the limit at which it ceases to be, for the Law leads up to Him Who is the fulfillment of its types, and in Him the purpose which it was designed to accomplish is fulfilled. That is, the purpose of the Law is fulfilled in Him] as the means of righteousness (right relationship to God) for everyone who trusts in and adheres to and relies on Him.
When Christ came he fulfilled the law… as in everything that we were commanded to or not to do ended with Christ… all of our striving to be what god wanted was done away with. We are made righteous thru Christ… He fulfilled all God wanted – his blood satisfied God so that man could be seen as righteous before God… 2 Corinthians 5:21New King James Version (NKJV) For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
If we do not believe it really is made of no effect to us…
Jesus took all our sin upon himself and did away with it
2 Co 5:21 For our sake He made Christ [virtually] to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him we might become [[a]endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of] the righteousness of God [what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness].
He was made to be our sin as in he took all that we were and became it kind of and then crucified everything that we were (sin included) and had it done away with
5- For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.
5 For Moses writes that the man who [can] practice the righteousness (perfect conformity to God’s will) which is based on the Law [with all its intricate demands] shall live by it.
For Moses writes about the righteousness that is from the law : The one who does these things will live by them.
Moses talked of us following laws, right? So basically we lived by doing good (which we failed at constantly)
But the righteousness that comes from faith speaks like this: Do not say in your heart, “Who will go up to heaven? ” that is, to bring Christ down
6 But the righteousness based on faith [imputed by God and bringing right relationship with Him] says, Do not say in your heart, Who will ascend into Heaven? that is, to bring Christ down;
We are not above Christ… we cannot ever be as righteous as He is so why do we think in our hearts we can do it in ourselves
So by us trying it is like we are somewhat bringing Him down
Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead. )
7 Or who will descend into the abyss? that is, to bring Christ up from the dead [as if we could be saved by our own efforts].
How I see it is it is saying who are we to think we will ever measure up to God’s standards…. We will never be as righteous as Christ in ourselves so why do we try so hard to be good people in ourselves… We did not die, we didn’t go to hell, or get raised from the dead and go to heaven- Christ did! So it is in Him and Him only we are found righteous in God’s sight
But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, [even] in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
8 But what does it say? The Word (God’s message in Christ) is near you, on your lips and in your heart; that is, the Word (the message, the basis and object) of faith which we preach,
9 Because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
If you confess with your mouth, “ Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
10 For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation.
For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
11 The Scripture says, No man who believes in Him [who adheres to, relies on, and trusts in Him] will [ever] be put to shame or be disappointed.
It says that if we continue to believe we won’t be disappointed
Sometimes we are put it very hard and difficult places when following God… and we are full of fear, worry, etc. But his promise is if we just keep believing we WILL NOT be disappointed
“If we rely and trust in Him we will not be disappointed
You may think, “That’s something all Christians should know”
Knowing it as knowledge though and KNOWING it is two different things
There are times where it becomes EXTREMELY hard to follow Christ (not just being a Christian but taking the path He is given you even when it doesn’t make sense) … I have been in many places where I was terrified, scared, afraid, worried, and all other horrible feelings or plain did not want to go in a way God was leading me… There are things sometimes God test us on and says “I’m going to take this away. It is going to be painful, it is going to hurt, and it will feel like I’m splitting you in half, I am going to put this to death that is of nature in your life. Trust me, ok?” And we freak out, “Oh God! Why? Why are things so hard” and we whine and complain and feel like we’re dying… It’s like we forget everything we know in the bible about trusting god because it feels like he is killing you sometimes… but that is how we come to know Him… So yea it’s easy to say we should all know that… But is it so in your being that you won’t turn back when things get EXTREMELY difficult? I still have times I don’t understand and tell God I’m confused or have times I have to give up things that take everything in me to let go of…
But if we continue to trust Him and believe on Him, WE WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED… Now THAT is a promise!
There are things we think we will need. There are things that it is not necessarily that we don’t need them, it is just that God sees they are more important to us than He is or He is testing if it is more important
We will have hopes and dreams that may simply just not be his will
We may have to separate from family that just doesn’t want to go on
We may have to let things go than mean everything to us
He tries and tests us- that is how we are made holy and pure
As we follow God, it is like every area of our life gets assessed and looked at closely by God… It gets tested… EVERYTHING
I don’t see it as just other; I look at it as myself
Do I allow such things to be brought about in me?
The word of God is supposed to search our hearts and finds things wrong with us- to give us understanding
Like that email I sent
I want God to search my heart and examine it closely and find what needs dealing with
For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.
12 [No one] for there is no distinction between Jew and Greek. The same Lord is Lord over all [of us] and He generously bestows His riches upon all who call upon Him [in faith].
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
13 For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord [invoking Him as Lord] will be saved.
It doesn’t matter how good (like the Jews were seen as holy-but is was an outward holiness-they appeared to be very good/holy people) or bad (Greeks were seen as evil and sinners)… either way there is one Lord over us who covers us completely in his kindness, love, mercy, grace, righteousness, etc. and makes us what we should be IN HIM…………that word saved means “save, heal, preserve, rescue. Deliver out of danger and into safety; used principally of God rescuing believers from the penalty and power of sin – and into His provisions (safety).
When we call upon him we are saved, we are rescued from sin and death and given life
You can appear like a good person on the outside… All the Pharisees did… They seemed to be good people and were seen as holy and righteous like they didn’t steal, kill, lie, cheat, etc…. but there is a difference in being holy on the outside (seen as good) and the inside (what is truly you)…. have you ever heard the term white-washed… its when you make something look good and beautiful on the outside but it is deceiving. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside is full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” (Matthew 23:27) When people try to be good in them- acting like what they think is holy- they are just covering up what they truly are because none of us are good. Being good on the inside- is like having what we have talked about in the past- a perfect heart which is having a heart completely after God
How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?
14 But how are people to call upon Him Whom they have not believed [in Whom they have no faith, on Whom they have no reliance]? And how are they to believe in Him [adhere to, trust in, and rely upon Him] of Whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without a preacher?
How are people supposed to call out to God if they do not believe in Him?
You’re not going to call out to something you don’t believe in
And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!
15 And how can men [be expected to] preach unless they are sent? As it is written, How beautiful are the feet of those who bring glad tidings! [How welcome is the coming of those who preach the good news of His good things!]
How you can’t call on God if you don’t believe in Him… and you can’t believe in Him if you havent heard about them and you can hear about Him without a preacher… and noone can preach without being sent by God… So praise God for those who are sent to preach so that we may hear, believe and call on God
But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Esaias saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?
16 But they have not all heeded the Gospel; for Isaiah says, Lord, who has believed (had faith in) what he has heard from us?
Esaias is Isaiah in Greek… speaking of Isaiah the prophet
“Who has believed our report is a verse in Isaiah
Some people are given the opportunity to hear and yet still do not believe
So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
17 So faith comes by hearing [what is told], and what is heard comes by the preaching [of the message that came from the lips] of Christ (the Messiah Himself).
God give US ears to hear
To truly understand and believe what it taught
Not just think we know it
But truly KNOW it with God showing us by His Spirit
But I ask, “Did they not hear?  ” Yes, they did: Their voice has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the inhabited world.
But I ask, “Did they not hear?  ” Yes, they did: Their voice has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the inhabited world.
It is all of our nature… it is US
We don’t hear it
We think we do
We think we understand
But unless helped by the Holy Spirit we ARE NOT truly understanding
That’s why we cry out for the Holy Spirit to open our eyes, help our ears to hear, help our minds to understand
It’s above our understanding
God help us to understand and not just think we “have got it”
Not feel like we understand it all
There is so much I do not understand or see fully
In our nature we are blind to the things of God
It is gut-wrenching… even when we want it-sometimes we can’t see… Paul cried out, “God deliver me from this body of death!” God deliver me from my nature, my natural sight, my natural hearing, my natural feelings, all that which I was born with…. and cause me to see spiritually, to hear spiritually, to feel your presence
I have been in those places where you just aren’t seeing it
You feel like you don’t get it
You get upset with yourself
Its like, “God help me!!!! I am not seeing it! And if I don’t get a hold of you, I am not going to make it!”
We get to that place we must trust in Him to give us His Spirit to show us
He has promised us all “spiritual blessings in Christ’
Including spiritual sight or the ability to understand what God is trying to say
But I say, Did not Israel know? First Moses saith, I will provoke you to jealousy by [them that are] no people, [and] by a foolish nation I will anger you.
19 Again I ask, Did Israel not understand? [Did the Jews have no warning that the Gospel was to go forth to the Gentiles, to all the earth?] First, there is Moses who says, I will make you jealous of those who are not a nation; with a foolish nation I will make you angry.
He is speaking of GOD’s PEOPLE (Israel) showing you it is not talking just about those in the world but Christians even.. Did they not understand?
But Esaias is very bold, and saith, I was found of them that sought me not; I was made manifest unto them that asked not after me.
20 Then Isaiah is so bold as to say, I have been found by those who did not seek Me; I have shown (revealed) Myself to those who did not [consciously] ask for Me.
But to Israel he saith, All day long I have stretched forth my hands unto a disobedient and gainsaying people.
21 But of Israel he says, All day long I have stretched out My hands to a people unyielding and disobedient and self-willed [to a faultfinding, contrary, and contradicting people].
Those who are God’s people who assume they know the message will miss it
God says I will show the gentiles who I am even because at least they don’t just assume they know me and are not in need of me
The gentiles know they are not holy
They know they are in need of a God- they are dirty and know they are blind…
God wants to help those who cannot help themselves
He wants to be GOD to them- which means doing something they can’t in themselves
He wants to show those who can’t see
It’s like he kneels down to those broken due to their blindness and say, “I understand you can’t see and I am going to help you, I have given you my son Jesus Christ and my Holy Spirit and in them you can see.”
Why do you think he healed so many blind people in the bible? He just liked it? No! He did it because blindness was a problem (SPIRITUAL BLINDNESS) People weren’t seeing God- they thought they were
But they weren’t TRULY getting it
So he sees these blind people crying out, “Jesus, help me I can’t see! Heal my blindness!” And he does it because they understand their need
He is trying to get Christians to see their need to see their need… sounds confusing but a Christian should never believe he understands it all… we should not trust our own understanding and read something and be like I got this… quite the opposite we should cry out to God, “Help me to see it. I might miss it. What are you trying to show me?”
“Does this apply to me? Is it something that needs to be dealt with in my life?”
The word is to analyze our hearts
We aren’t supposed to read it and think of how everyone else is not like that- but are we like that?
It brings assessment upon US
It is a sword that divides OUR soul and SPIRIT
That’s why it is important for us to read the word
We come to know God thru His Son and we also see our need for Him because we just do not add up
The word shows us our unworthiness to God and helps us see our need for Christ
That is how and why we fall in love with Him
That’s how we come to know Him- We fall in love with Him because we see how great a love he has that he would fall in love with such ugly sinners as we, and we only see our ugliness as we see how we do not add up and we see his beauty because he does
But Christ is
And he knew that so he died for us so that we could even have a relationship with Almighty God


Today I read in Joshua 20 and this really stuck out to me…
Jos 20:1  The LORD also spake unto Joshua, saying,
Jos 20:2  Speak to the children of Israel, saying, Appoint out for you cities of refuge, whereof I spake unto you by the hand of Moses:
Jos 20:3  That the slayer that killeth any person unawares and unwittingly may flee thither: and they shall be your refuge from the avenger of blood.
Jos 20:4  And when he that doth flee unto one of those cities shall stand at the entering of the gate of the city, and shall declare his cause in the ears of the elders of that city, they shall take him into the city unto them, and give him a place, that he may dwell among them.
Jos 20:5  And if the avenger of blood pursue after him, then they shall not deliver the slayer up into his hand; because he smote his neighbour unwittingly, and hated him not beforetime.
Jos 20:6  And he shall dwell in that city, until he stand before the congregation for judgment, and until the death of the high priest that shall be in those days: then shall the slayer return, and come unto his own city, and unto his own house, unto the city from whence he fled…
Jos 20:9  These were the cities appointed for all the children of Israel, and for the stranger that sojourneth among them, that whosoever killeth any person at unawares might flee thither, and not die by the hand of the avenger of blood, until he stood before the congregation.
Jos 20:3  That the slayer that killeth any person unawares and unwittingly may flee thither: and they shall be your refuge from the avenger of blood.
Luk 23:34  Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
We crucified Christ unawares, unwittingly, not knowing what we did. The guilt rests upon us.
But because they did this unawares, Christ asked that they be forgiven. In Joshua it says they could flee which means to hide away or vanish.
Psa 32:7  Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.
Psa 119:114  Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word. (the word is Christ; John 1:1)
Jos 20:4  And when he that doth flee unto one of those cities shall stand at the entering of the gate of the city, and shall declare his cause in the ears of the elders of that city, they shall take him into the city unto them, and give him a place, that he may dwell among them.
1Jn 1:9  If we confess (declare our cause) our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Rom 10:9  That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Rom 10:10  For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Rom 10:11  For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
Jos 20:6  And he shall dwell in that city, until he stand before the congregation for judgment, and until the death of the high priest that shall be in those days: then shall the slayer return, and come unto his own city, and unto his own house, unto the city from whence he fled.
For such an high priest became us, who is holy, harmless, undefiled, separate from sinners, and made higher than the heavens; Who needeth not daily, as those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own sins, and then for the people’s: for this he did once, when he offered up himself.
(Hebrews 7:26-27)
When the high priest (a type of Christ) died they were immediately cleansed of their sin.
2Co 5:21  For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
Heb 9:11  But Christ having appeared as a High Priest of the coming good things, through the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation,
Heb 9:12  nor through the blood of goats and of calves, but through His own blood, He entered once for all into the Holy of Holies, having procured everlasting redemption.
Heb 9:13  For if the blood of bulls and goats, and ashes of a heifer sprinkling those having been defiled, sanctifies to the purity of the flesh,
Heb 9:14  by how much more the blood of Christ (who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God), will purify your conscience from dead works, to serve the living God!
Heb 9:15  And because of this He is Mediator of a new covenant, so that, death having occurred for redemption of transgressions under the first covenant, those being called might receive the promise of the everlasting inheritance.
Above, saying, “You did not desire nor were pleased with sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and sacrifices concerning sins,” (which are offered according to the Law), then He said, “Lo, I come to do Your will, O God.” He takes away the first in order that He may set up the second; by which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
(Hebrews 10:8-10)
“This is the covenant which I will covenant to them after those days, says the Lord: Giving My Laws on their hearts, and I will write them on their minds;” also He adds, “I will not at all still remember their sins” and their lawlessnesses. MT-Jer. 31:33, 34 But where remission of these is, there is no longer offering concerning sins. Therefore, brothers, having confidence for the entering of the Holy of Holies by the blood of Jesus, which He consecrated for us, a new and living way through the veil; that is, His flesh; and having a Great Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, our hearts having been sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our body having been washed in pure water; let us hold fast the confession of the hope unyielding, for He who has promised is faithful.
(Hebrews 10:16-23)

Heart of Things

Enjoy the view.