A selfish predicament

Are we chasing God or are we chasing a miracle? Do we live life with hope that one day God will do this great thing and this is the main reason we do not completely release our grasp on Him? Or are we living each moment in life with our ear earnestly listening for that still small voice to direct our every move? Perhaps, we are the individual who takes everything personal. Looking for this personal request we have made known to God to come true. We believe wholeheartedly we know what God should and is going to do and we are waiting on that particular thing. Consequently, we have entered somewhat of an autopilot phase. Our daily lives can not really be used by God at all. We are so sure about our future, our ears could not receive any other direction by His Spirit. I fear to admit, I have entered into this predicament a little myself – or maybe a lot?

My great flaw may be hoping for something that is not His will after all. Or hoping in this thing so much, I become blind to what is happening in the hear and now. (1).png



I receive a daily devotional sent by a ministry of the belated, loved David Wilkerson. Today Nicky Cruz, a true testimony of a life turned over to Christ, sent a message regarding Phillip and the crucial importance of this man hearing the Spirit. Phillip listened for the Spirit’s voice even when it didn’t make sense. He had to be making a point to being pliable in his every day life and susceptible to that wind blowing that may change his directions completely.

I also received a excerpt from a great man of God named Theodore Austin Sparks. He spoke of Christians wrongly applying scriptures in prayer to back up our personal interests, wants, and desires. We wonder why heaven seems as brass, but we are not seeking the Lord’s will and ways but ours.

I must say, I know I have been that selfish individual in prayer. Possibly, I have even let go my hold some because I still have not received the answer to my own personal prayer. There is a want in me that is strong  – I do not wish to reveal at this time but I can ensure you it is no light request. The fact is I do not know yet if it is God’s will or not – but I have wanted it so much, for so long. I am hesitant and afraid it is not His will. But I do not want to be one holding back from God. Let me not forget my first love. Who found me when I had nothing. Who loved me when I had no one. What does he want for me? What am I missing in everyday life because I have become deaf, sitting in auto-pilot, waiting for my prayer to be answered. As if life could not go on without this prayer being answered. I have made it this far and He could get me through life without this request however. In fact, He could be it for me if I would let Him. I have long been proud of myself for my ability to hope in the unseen. However, my great flaw may be hoping for something that is not His will after all. Or hoping in this thing so much, I become blind to what is happening in the here and now.

Forgive me for my selfishness Lord. For not heeding to your Spirit every minute of everyday, but being caught up in my own desires. I give it over to you. Take my life and do with it what you please. Help me to learn to let you lead me and not to miss out on your Spirit and will. Help me to heed as Philip did so my life might not be one meaningless, that did not account much in your will and way.